9 Life Lessons I’ve Learned from My Daughter Lilly (Who Just Turned 9!)

A birthday tribute to my greatest teacher

Hi beautiful souls,

My daughter Lilly just turned 9, and I’ve been reflecting on how much this little gem of a human has taught me over the years. It’s funny how we think we’re the ones doing all the teaching as parents, but the truth is, our children are often our greatest teachers.

Here are 9 profound lessons Lilly has gifted me with—one for each year of her incredible life.

1. Bold Style Comes from Authentic Expression

When Lilly was little, I had visions of princess dresses, tutus, pink everything, and cute bows. Then around age 3, she took control of her own style narrative.

She gravitates toward bold colors, comfortable athletic wear (perfect for spontaneous cartwheels), and statement pieces that make her feel authentically herself. I’ll never forget the bright, furry vest she picked out in Solvang that I initially said no to—until my husband nudged me to let her express herself.

She’s taught me that true style isn’t about following trends or pleasing others. It’s about alignment with who you are. She understands when to wear her school uniform and look polished, but she also knows when it’s time to be boldly, unapologetically herself.

Through her, I’ve learned to embrace color and boldness in my own style and life.

2. Real Leadership Means Following Your Own Path

Lilly beats to the sound of her own drum, and no matter how much I might project my own unfulfilled dreams of being a dancer onto her, she stands her ground about her interests.

At 5, she gravitated toward gymnastics, and it became her thing. She watches YouTube tutorials at home, practices splits in the living room, and has that natural ambition that requires no external motivation. We never have to tell her to improve—she just does.

Her tight group of friends loves her because she can just be herself. And I never worry about peer pressure because I know she won’t do anything that doesn’t align with who she is.

True leadership isn’t about controlling others, it’s about having an inner compass strong enough to resist external pressures and follow your authentic path.

3. Life is About Never Stopping Learning

Lilly has always gravitated toward reading and learning. She recently had grandma buy her a cat breed book where she’s studying all the different cats in the world (because why just like cats when you can become a cat expert?) lol

After spending a month in Mexico this summer, she came home insisting we download Duolingo so she could continue learning Spanish. She loves that she can visualize, read, and interact with the language in different ways.

Her genuine enthusiasm for discovery has taught me that learning should be fun and self-directed. It’s never “I have to learn this”—it’s “I get to learn this.”

4. Discipline is Self-Generated Structure That Creates Freedom

In the weeks before school started, Lilly created her own schedule listing her morning, afternoon, and evening routines. This wasn’t something we pushed—it came naturally from her.

Her morning routine includes reading a chapter before school. Her afternoon includes homework and more reading. She used to even wake up early every morning to practice gymnastics on her air track, stretching and learning new skills before school.

She’s discovered what many adults struggle with: discipline isn’t restriction, it’s the pathway to getting more of what you want out of life. Although she doesn’t know the word “discipline,” she demonstrates it every single day through choices that honor what matters most to her.

5. Meaningful Friendships Are Worth Investing In

As someone who moved around a lot as a kid and struggled to form lasting friendships, watching Lilly cultivate deep relationships has been healing for me.

She’s found and forged friendships with about 4 strong girls that I believe will be lifelong friends. I’m making my best effort to nurture these relationships with her, and cultivating friendships with their moms has been an unexpected bonus.

Lilly is teaching me it’s never too late to let people in and build meaningful connections. She’s helping me break cycles of self-protection I didn’t even realize I carried.

6. Authentic Connection Transcends Age

Lilly’s friendship abilities extend far beyond peers. In Mexico, she bonded with Ericka, a 25-year-old family friend who shares her boldness and natural leadership qualities. Lilly invited Ericka to stay with us for a couple of weeks, and I could immediately see why they connected.

She also has deep, playful relationships with her grandmothers—spending hours being silly and building genuine connections.

Her ability to recognize kindred spirits regardless of age shows that when you’re grounded in authenticity, you can connect with people’s essence no matter conventional boundaries.

7. Academic Excellence Flows from Natural Curiosity

From talking clearly at a young age to loving flashcards as a toddler, Lilly has always been naturally academic. She loves learning different strategies for math, and her passion for animals connects beautifully with her academic interests.

What strikes me is that her academic success comes from the same authentic place as everything else about her—it’s not forced or pressured, but a natural expression of her curiosity. She wants to challenge herself in new ways because she’s discovered that learning itself is rewarding.

8. Courage and Adaptability Open Doors to Growth

This summer, while my parents were visiting, Lilly spontaneously asked if she could go back with them to Mexico for a month. She attended a local school, made friends, and even taught English to her classmates.

When we moved and had to switch gymnastics places, she had multiple new teachers. At her most recent class with 4-5 new girls, she admitted feeling scared and nervous, but she put her best foot forward anyway. She’s already learned new skills and said she was really happy she went.

Lilly has taught me that courage isn’t the absence of fear—it’s moving forward despite it. She doesn’t just adapt to change; she actively seeks it when she knows it will help her grow.

9. Authenticity is the Greatest Gift We Can Give Our Children (and Ourselves)

When I became a mom at 25, I was the first among my friends and cousins to have a child. As a shy child who learned not to “rock the boat,” I initially wondered why Lilly couldn’t just go with the flow on everything.

In a therapy session years ago, my therapist asked: “Lilly can read the room. She opens up when she’s comfortable. Do you really want to take those qualities away from her?”

That question shifted everything. I realized I wasn’t here to create a mini-me—I was here to raise a kind, compassionate human being who happens to be her own person.

Lilly’s independence, maturity, and ability to read situations aren’t flaws to fix—they’re wisdom beyond her years. Through her authenticity, she’s taught me what genuine confidence looks like, versus the people-pleasing that felt safer in my own childhood.

At 35, through watching my 9-year-old daughter, I’m discovering parts of myself I never knew were possible.

The Greatest Lesson of All

Our children don’t need us to mold them into our image—they need us to witness, celebrate, and nurture who they already are. Lilly has been my teacher in authenticity, courage, discipline, curiosity, and so much more.

Happy 9th birthday to my greatest mentor. Thank you for showing me what it looks like to live boldly, love deeply, and be unapologetically yourself.

What has your child taught you lately? I’d love to hear about it—just hit comment and share your story with me.

If this resonated with you, please forward it to a parent who might need this reminder that our children are often our greatest teachers.

With love and gratitude,

Brandy

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